Punk Rock Archaelogy

While combing through my parents’ basement to find my old Warhammer models (shut up), I stumbled across a CD-R with my name written on it in someone else’s handwriting. Of course I was curious, so I popped it into the computer and discovered two demo recordings of songs I had written in high school. The playing is sloppy, the lead parts totally unrehearsed (and foolishly undubbed), and the vocals are much whinier than I remember my voice ever being, but they’re fun enough. This, in addition to my MORTIFIED performance last Saturday, and the further basement discovery of VHS tapes from my high school band’s performances (coming soon!) have made this a delightfully nostalgic week.

Anyway, for your laughing/listening pleasure, here they are:

The Dot of My “I”

Yes, this song was written about Ellen Hickle from The Adventures Of Pete & Pete  (AKA the greatest TV show ever created and I will stand by that fact until the day I die). The lyrics are slightly different here than I remember, but that’s alright. Maybe I’ll re-instate the Endless Mike line if I ever perform it again. Or, maybe not.

(And ugh, bongos?! REALLY, High School Thom? I’m so disappointed in you. I thought you knew better, even then)

Fun fact: a high school friend of mine had a popular public access TV show (oxymoron?) and, after hearing this song, invited me to perform it on the show. Little did I know that he had actually contacted the actress that played Ellen Hickle and offered to pay her to be a surprise guest on the show, which would then chronicle our hilariously awkward blind date. Sadly, she backed out at the last minute (she was apparently working on a pre-med degree at Dartmouth circa 2004, go figure), so our love never had its true chance to blossom, but I suppose it’s for the best.

Rockstar Me

This song was an adolescent attempt to deconstruct the myth that guys in bands get laid all the time. So, ya know, it’s fictional, tongue-in-cheek, and there’s a nice little ironic twist at the end. It’s corny power-pop, sure, but it’s hardly the worst thing I ever wrote…

Fun fact: My good friend Andy Michaels heard me play this song at an Open Mic night my freshman year of college. We had never met at this point, but his friend had a crush on me, and upon hearing me sing this song, he decided that I was the biggest dick ever, and made plans to kick my ass (though it never actually happened). We finally ended up meeting in the fall of my sophomore year. His aunt was friends with my mother, and he was in a comedy troupe with my suitemates, and one night he drunkenly stumbled into my room and said “Hey! My aunt knows your mom! Is that a Spider-Man comforter? That’s awesome! Hey guitar! Let’s play a song!” and then we lived happily ever after.

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