To celebrate the occasion of St. Padraig’s Day (specifically the 73 people arrest at UMass Amherst’s “Blarney Blowout” this past weekend), I’ve taken an old traditional Irish song and updated for the dudebro crowd. You’re welcome.
Tag Archives: five by five hundred
The Origins of Pumpkin Beer
New post on Five By Five Hundred about the secret history of that wretched poison that people actually pretend to like. Ugh.
1UP
Here’s a little poem I wrote for my friends’ wedding. I had the EMT-video game-heart metaphor early on (because it fits them), but it took me forever to actually nail the thing down. I tried so many different approaches, but I’m pretty happy with the final product (and more importantly, so were they!)
T3h Intarnetz! Jokez!
A quick, fun piece on Five By Five Hundred today, fleshing out a tweet I made the other day that I thought was particularly clever. That’s all!
“The Book of Sega Genesis” on FiveByFiveHundred.com
Domestic Terrorism In Brightly Packaged Haikus
I had bigger plans for this that I might revisit when not under deadline (I got back from NYC around 2am last night so UGH), but I was thinking about the idea of “selling fear” and, well, just kind of went with it for this week’s Five By Five Hundred post. So here it is!
“Selling Fear” on FiveByFiveHundred.com
The Art of Rock N Roll
Many people overlook the nuanced art of rock n roll, both within the songs*, and within the performance itself. Consider then: the set list. A good set list (or track listing**, for that matter) is a thing of beauty, complete with its own narrative arc of musical peaks and valleys that carry the audience through a complete cathartic hour-long rock n roll experience.
But I realize that it’s an art form that not many have mastered. And so this week on Five by Five Hundred, I’ve offered my assistance in a very public format. So you’re welcome, Aspiring Rock Stars. Go forth, and make rock!
“Set List For A Washed Up Rock N Roll Band” on FiveByFiveHundred.com
*Perhaps another day I shall blog at length about the importance of the narrative arc in song arrangements as well, in which case I’ll be mostly using Weezer’s Blue Album as a perfect example.
**Foo Fighters’ “The Colours & the Shapes” has the best non-concept album track listing ever. I’ll fight you on it.
The Vindow Viper Is Coming
Busy week here at Thom Dunn industries (when is it now?) so I’ve shared an older piece for this week’s Five By Five Hundred post. This one’s inspired by a really terrible episode of the 80s GI JOE cartoon, and a homeless guy named Joe who lives in New Haven. Joe walks around New Haven with a bucket and a mop, and he offers to clean the windows on your building or your car in exchange for food or money. He firmly believes in working for his pay, and refuses to beg for money or take handouts from strangers — because, if his story is to be believed, Joe used to be a drug dealer and a rapist and was thrown off the top of the New Haven Coliseum in a turf war and somehow survived through the graciousness of some mysterious benefactor who paid his medical bills and now he feels that he has to spend the rest of his life making up for his past mistakes.
Or at least that’s what he says. So I wrote this little piece about him; obviously it’s a comedy.
“Viper” on FiveByFiveHundred.com
The Voice Of Our Generation
So, okay. Lena Dunham. That’s all the Internet talks about anymore. And mostly for stupid reasons. GIRLS is an enjoyable show. Sure, it’s got its flaws, but it always has some realistic depictions of a very particular group of people, all of whom I went to college with. But most of the debate around the show is — in my humble opinion — around all of the wrong issues (read: misogyny towards chubby exhibitionists). Let’s face it, Lena Dunham is hardly the first privileged white kid to leverage Mom & Dad’s wealth and success into her own career. I probably would have done the same thing, if I ever had the opportunity.
And then there’s Thought Catalog. I have plenty of friends who frequently for Thought Catalog, and almost every time I read something on that website (besides stuff by friends, obviously, because the whole point of this is that we’re all hypocrites) I find myself consumed by anger towards the whiney narcissism of my generation. Every post is all trying to be deep and profound and whoa I made this brilliant realizations about being 22 now that I’m older and wiser at 24 and shut up.
Except that every time I read Thought Catalog, I’m like “Man, I totally get this. This is totally spot on.” Which is probably why I’m so angry at it — because it, like GIRLS, is totally cliched, and reminds us all of how cliched we are ourselves.
So, long story longer, this week’s Five By Five Hundred post is all about that, except in some wacky stream-of-consciousness kind of a way (I mean, more than what I just wrote) because I have weird brain things.
(Also it now holds the record for our most popular post on 5×500! So, ya know, that’s cool)
“A Catalog Of Thoughts; Or, Sorry Lena Dunham, But Our Generation Already Has A Voice” on FiveByFiveHundred.com
The End
Okay, so clearly I’ve been working on lots of larger writing pieces, which has gotten in the way of my standard Five By Five Hundred writing. But hey, writing is writing, so here’s another short excerpt from a piece I’ve been working, only this one is the very end of the story. So, ya know. Spoilers, sweetie.
“The End of The Story” on Five By Five Hundred
Quantum Fiction!
Here’s a little excerpt from a story I’ve been working on in a few different mediums (I’ve shared a few other snippets, too, if you’d like to piece them together and figure it out…). It’s science-y and physics-y and all timey-wimey, but hopefully it’s at least a little bit enjoyable on its own!
