Tag Archives: fivebyfivehundred.com

The Art of Rock N Roll

Many people overlook the nuanced art of rock n roll, both within the songs*, and within the performance itself. Consider then: the set list. A good set list (or track listing**, for that matter) is a thing of beauty, complete with its own narrative arc of musical peaks and valleys that carry the audience through a complete cathartic hour-long rock n roll experience.

But I realize that it’s an art form that not many have mastered. And so this week on Five by Five Hundred, I’ve offered my assistance in a very public format. So you’re welcome, Aspiring Rock Stars. Go forth, and make rock!

“Set List For A Washed Up Rock N Roll Band” on FiveByFiveHundred.com

*Perhaps another day I shall blog at length about the importance of the narrative arc in song arrangements as well, in which case I’ll be mostly using Weezer’s Blue Album as a perfect example.

**Foo Fighters’ “The Colours & the Shapes” has the best non-concept album track listing ever. I’ll fight you on it.

The Voice Of Our Generation

So, okay. Lena Dunham. That’s all the Internet talks about anymore. And mostly for stupid reasons. GIRLS is an enjoyable show. Sure, it’s got its flaws, but it always has some realistic depictions of a very particular group of people, all of whom I went to college with. But most of the debate around the show is — in my humble opinion — around all of the wrong issues (read: misogyny towards chubby exhibitionists). Let’s face it, Lena Dunham is hardly the first privileged white kid to leverage Mom & Dad’s wealth and success into her own career. I probably would have done the same thing, if I ever had the opportunity.

And then there’s Thought Catalog. I have plenty of friends who frequently for Thought Catalog, and almost every time I read something on that website (besides stuff by friends, obviously, because the whole point of this is that we’re all hypocrites) I find myself consumed by anger towards the whiney narcissism of my generation. Every post is all trying to be deep and profound and whoa I made this brilliant realizations about being 22 now that I’m older and wiser at 24 and shut up.

Except that every time I read Thought Catalog, I’m like “Man, I totally get this. This is totally spot on.” Which is probably why I’m so angry at it — because it, like GIRLS, is totally cliched, and reminds us all of how cliched we are ourselves.

So, long story longer, this week’s Five By Five Hundred post is all about that, except in some wacky stream-of-consciousness kind of a way (I mean, more than what I just wrote) because I have weird brain things.

(Also it now holds the record for our most popular post on 5×500! So, ya know, that’s cool)

“A Catalog Of Thoughts; Or, Sorry Lena Dunham, But Our Generation Already Has A Voice” on FiveByFiveHundred.com

The End

Okay, so clearly I’ve been working on lots of larger writing pieces, which has gotten in the way of my standard Five By Five Hundred writing. But hey, writing is writing, so here’s another short excerpt from a piece I’ve been working, only this one is the very end of the story. So, ya know. Spoilers, sweetie.

“The End of The Story” on Five By Five Hundred

Quantum Fiction!

Here’s a little excerpt from a story I’ve been working on in a few different mediums (I’ve shared a few other snippets, too, if you’d like to piece them together and figure it out…). It’s science-y and physics-y and all timey-wimey, but hopefully it’s at least a little bit enjoyable on its own!

“Quantum Physiology, or The Origins of Nonlinear Molecular Teleportation” on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Who Is That Masked Man Anyway?

I have a new superhero identity.

I’m not really sure what my powers are, or if they’d be any use in a fight, but that doesn’t matter. I’ve now experienced the quintessential Spider-Man-esque (RIP) traumatic formative moment, and there is no turning back.

Today on Five By Five Hundred, I reveal my deep secret, the true origin story of my new superheroic identity: Regular Wednesday Comic Book Buyer Guy. A true hero for the modern age.

Read ahead, if you can handle it.

“Origin Story” on FiveByFiveHundred.com

Ghosts of Boston

Here’s a little excerpt from a larger piece of fiction I’ve been working on, posted over at Five By Five Hundred. It’s completely out of context, but that’s okay; I think it works alright on it’s own.

“Back On The Streets” at FiveByFiveHundred.com

Athbhliain Faoi Mhaise Dhaoibh!

(that’s “Happy New Years” in Irish, ‘natch)

It’s a busy end to the Holiday Season, with back-to-back-to-back celebrations, but here’s a quick update on some things. First, a little New Years poem I wrote over at Five By Five Hundred about 2012’s significant lack of jetpacks. I also wrote a little blog / essay about my brain as a writer entitled “Less Talk, More Rock” for the Boston One Minute Play Festival, which is this coming weekend, January 5-7, at Boston Playwrights Theatre, and features two short plays that I wrote. I have very specifically avoided rehearsals, so I’m excited to see what’s going to come out of the little bits of text I wrote. If you’re interested but unavailable to make it to the show, the 8pm performance on Sunday, January 6 will be streamed live on HowlRound’s NewPlay TV, so you can watch the whole thing from the comfort of your laptop.

That’s all for now; see you in The Future!

Merry Christmas (Eve)!

I figure must people are busy spending time with their families (as they should be!), so here’s a quick update for you to enjoy while you’re in the bathroom or waiting for family to arrive or whatever.

First, over on Five By Five Hundred, I whipped up a brief little parody piece after one of my own family’s favorite traditions that I think everyone can enjoy — “‘Twas The Night Before Christmas Break.”

And then there’s this:

You’re welcome. Merry Christmas! (and equivalent non-Christian holiday greetings, of course)

Holiday Special

Today on Five By Five Hundred, I decided to kick off our celebration and excitement for the upcoming holiday season. No, not Christmas; I mean the end of the world! With only 12 days left until the supposed Mayan Apocalypse / World Shift / New Age / Another Boring Saturday Where Nothing Significant Actually Happens Or Changes, I decided to tweak one of your perennial holiday favorites and update it for the times. Enjoy!

“The 12 Days Of Apocalypse” on FiveByFiveHundred.com

ALSO! In case you don’t already follow the rest of the daily exploits on 5×500 without me telling you (for some bizarre reason I don’t know why you wouldn’t), we are currently taking submissions for a new weekly contributor to join us on Sundays! Follow link to learn all about the necessary submission information in handy haiku form. All we ask is that you post a new something every Sunday in keeping with the theme of the website. “What’s the theme of the website?” you ask, like some fool who hasn’t even been paying attention. “Glad you asked!” I respond through gritted teeth. I pause for a moment as I hiss in my breath and explain that the only criteria is that must write something and that it must be under 500 words. Poetry, prose, scripts, rants, memoirs, serial fiction, serial murders — whatever, it doesn’t matter, just as long as it’s under 500 words. Simple enough, right?

If you think you have what it takes, check out our submission guidelines. We look forward to hearing from you!